One of the Parent Allies trustees is Robin Grille, psychologist and author of Parenting for a Peaceful World and Heart to Heart Parenting. In his first book Robin tacks a clear plot through history, showing the relationship between mainstream parenting practice and the extent of conflict or peace in various societies. His second book delves deeper into some of the ways that parents can raise the empathetic generation that will bring peace to the world. Yep, Robin’s ideas are ambitious and, also, very convincing!
Robin’s third book is in the making and I imagine it’s going to be as potent as the first two. His topic? Our inner child. Woah nellie. You know we need it.
One of the Parent Allies principles is this dedication to exploring the small child we all carry with us.
Inner work
Parent Allies recognise that whilst as adults we are in a powerful and privileged position we carry with us the scars of once having been members of an oppressed group of people. We acknowledge that when we were children we were likely coerced, shamed or marginalised and that this can impact our ability to uphold the rights of our children. Parent Allies are therefore committed to working through our baggage and seeking the support we need to be allies to our children. We are also committed to holding up our adult bias to the light and spending the time we need to ensure this bias doesn’t consistently lead to the marginalisation of the children in our life.
Robin Grille’s next book will give us powerful, practical tools to help us go there.
In a recent Skype Robin mentioned a table of children’s needs he’s working on. My ears pricked up. I LOVE A TABLE. I LOVE NEEDS. I LOVE CHILDREN. A TABLE OF CHILDREN’S NEEDS. YESSS. He’s sent us a copy to take a look at and already I’m like, yep, SO HELPFUL.
What do you spot in these tables?
Do you spot some of the needs that might be being expressed by certain behaviours that are tricky?
Is your baby wanting breastmilk or cuddles all night? She wants to be held and it will give her a nurture the “sense of belonging” part of her emotional intelligence!
Do you have clingy toddlers? He wants to feel secure and he’ll feel that security for the rest of his life!
Have your pre-schoolers started negotiating with you? They want to be heard and they’ll learn to trust their contribution.
Is your 4 year old still having huge, rock-the-house Big Feelings? They need to authentically express themselves; a gift of emotional intelligence they’ll thank you for supporting.
Your six year old climbing all over you non-stop? They want to connect with you physically; they are learning crucial things about their bodies and love and pleasure.
Do you see that there are things you’ve wondered about, asked “Is this normal?!” – do you see they are not only normal, but they are part of healthy development? And, here’s the magic; our nurturing response will turn these met needs into emotional intelligence!
See how a table can be a beautiful thing? Hehe.
I’m going to leave these with you to explore. Let’s talk more in the comments or on Facebook and hopefully I’ll be back with more Robin Grille Inner Child stuff in the New Year.
More indepth tables below:
[…] Some great tables over on Parent Allies, tables of our children’s developmental needs by Robin Grille and they are SO […]